The Purity Pledge
by Kiana Maria
Summary: Melinda has to go through one of those horrific "abstinence programs" that we actually have in America. Which makes her somewhat uncomfortable, considering what she's been through. I wasn't sure if I should rate this T or M, but since I based most of it on actual abstinence classes I had to take in ninth grade, I guess T will be all right.
1. Monday

**Monday: I Learn That I am Dirty and Cheap**

* * *

Welcome to Merryweather High. This week, our priorities are:

1\. Good Citizenship

2\. English Comprehension

3\. Math Skills That You Will Remember and Need

4\. Social Studies

5\. Dead Frogs

6\. The Foreign Language of Your Choosing

7\. Volleying Balls

8\. Your Maidenhead

Art has been deemed the least-important class, and so the week of chastity classes will replace it at the end of the day. Perhaps Mr. Freeman, when left to his own devices, will finally succumb to inanity. Perhaps my tree will miss me. Perhaps it will wither and die.

* * *

I shuffle inside a room with no number. Instead of the usual desks, there are chairs arranged in a semi-circle, and a table and a big box. Principal Principal occupies a corner. Rachel and Ivy are sitting together - this is startling. Heather sits in the front row, surrounded by Marthas. The best I can do is sit behind them and pretend that we're almost friends.

The chairs fill as the bell rings. A woman no one has ever seen before totters in on very high heels.

"Sex feels good!"

Everybody laughs.

She shouts it again. "Sex feels good! It _always_ feels good! Come on, people, say it with me: Sex feels good!"

A few guys mutter the words in an aren't-we-clever kind of way, while most of the girls just look at their friends and giggle.

"Sex feels good." She picks up a stick of chalk. "But afterwards, you feel - " She writes the words across the board. "Dirty and cheap."

Dirty: Covered in dirt.

Cheap: That which doesn't cost very much. Ten minutes into the class, and Sexually Active Teens have become five-dollar hookers.

"Each time a sexually active person gives that most personal part of himself or herself away, that person can lose a sense of value and self-worth. It all comes down to self-respect."

Value: Cost or importance.

Worth: Value.

Respect: Good opinion of, admiration.

"Now, how many of you have been to parties? I mean real grown-up, high school parties?"

My eyes flick to Rachel. She turns to look at me and sneers as she raises her hand. Half of the class glances at me before it raises its hands.

"Then you know what can happen at these parties." Her letters flourish across the board. "Casual sex," she says as she writes. "Drinking. Hooking up."

You forgot Listening to Loud Music and The Smoking of the Green.

"Now, may I have a few volunteers? I need two boys and a girl."

Heather's hand shoots up and she's called to the front of the room. Ms. Sexpert also picks Mike and Joe. She digs into the big box and pulls out a roll of Scotch tape.

"Heather," she says, and loudly rips a long piece of tape from the roll. "This is your virtue."

Right up until the second syllable I thought she would say virginity. She and Heather awkwardly exchange the piece of tape.

"Now, let's say you want to marry Mike someday."

Hee-hee-hee, everyone laughs.

"But let's say you meet Joe first. The two of you have casual sex. What happens to your virtue? Heather, stick it onto Joe's arm."

Joe holds out his arm and Heather jams the tape across it.

"Now, pull it off."

Heather rips off the tape with a surprising amount of strength. Joe is in pain. He holds up his arm to show a line of hairless skin. But Heather's tape/virtue is what we're talking about.

"Now," says Dr. Ruth, "try to stick it onto Mike."

Heather giggles and Heather tries, but the Joe's-arm-hair-covered piece of tape just won't stick. It falls to the floor.

"You see?" asks Ms. ... wait, is she a teacher? Who exactly is she? "Heather's virtue is a dirty piece of tape lying on the floor."

A large wrapped phallus is taken from the box. Oh, it's a lollipop. Ms. Virginity gives it to Heather.

"Your lollipop is in pristine condition, but what would happen if you allowed it to be unwrapped by the wrong person? Joe, unwrap Heather's lollipop and give it a good suck."

Joe peels off the wrapper and does indeed give it a good suck. Really works it around in his mouth.

"Now, hand it over to Mike."

Repulsed Mike takes the dripping lollipop.

"Mike, do you want to suck it?"

Mike indicates that he does not want to suck it.

"You see? If you unwrap your lollipop before marriage, you turn it into..." She writes on the board: "Second-hand goods."

Second-hand: Something you would find at a garage sale for twenty-five cents.

Vintage: The same thing at a boutique for two hundred dollars.

Goods: Tangible property.

As the bell rings, I file out of the room, thinking about my tangible property.


	2. Tuesday

**Tuesday - I Learn That I'm Not Strong**

* * *

Mr. Neck surprises me. He finishes his reverse-racism rant and launches into a tolerate-all-religions one. The founding fathers didn't intend for this to be a Christian country, he says. And I had him so labeled as a white-conservative-middle-aged-religious-right-Republican. Stereotypey Melinda.

I walk down the halls of a public school with his words still clamoring in my head. I turn the corner in a public school. I walk past an American flag. And I sit down in a chair in my don't-have-sex-until-you're-married class.

Principal Principal is in the same corner and I don't know why. Heather and the Marthas sit in front of me and the rest of the chairs fill. Ms. Whatshername comes in. Today she begins with: "Do I have any feminists?"

Heather's arm twitches but she looks at her friends. None of them have their hands up, so hers stays down too. A few girls raise their hands. So does Charlie Mueller, and he laughs. Big funny joke.

"Well, guess what, ladies? It takes a strong woman to be abstinent."

Stronger than Andy Beast.

"Our culture is laden with sex and pornography." She pulls a magazine from her box of fun and opens it to a bookmarked page. "It's _sexy_ to wear these jeans." Flipping through the gloss, "It's _sexy_ to drink this soda. It's _sexy_ to drive this car."

Kristen Wright's arm rises into the air. "My parents were never married," she says. "And they broke up when I was a baby. Does that mean they never should have had sex? Does that mean I shouldn't exist?"

Ms. Hymen smiles. "Well, that's not what we're talking about. It's all in the past. Let's stay on today's subject: Resistance."

Resistance: A force that tends to oppose motion.

"A strong woman doesn't give in to society's expectations. A strong woman doesn't want to be a sex object. And a strong woman doesn't let a guy boss her around and pressure her into sex."

Pressure: A pressing; a force applied to a surface.

"Now, enough attention has been given to the girls." Is that funny? Why did she laugh? "Let's talk about our big, strong boys."

She pulls something from her box of Freud. A long, slender sword - gasp - a weapon in school?

She asks for a volunteer - put your hands down, ladies, I need a boy - and Ben Jackson walks to the front of the room.

She hands him the sword. "Does he look weak to you?" she asks the class.

No, he doesn't look weak.

"Does he look like a wimp? Like a little girlie-girl?"

Ben swishes the sword through the air.

"Of course not! He looks like a -" She finds a piece of chalk and writes across the board: "Virginity Warrior."

That capital W is really really bugging me.

"You see, guys? Being a virgin isn't a weakness. It's tough and it's fierce, and it's -"

Ben cuts the sword through the air so fast that we can hear it.

"Woah!" says Senora Virginidad. "Let's put that thing away before you hurt someone!"

* * *

Today's Lesson:

1\. Strength is a desirable characteristic in both male and female teens.

2\. A strong woman doesn't let a guy pressure her into sex... Can a strong woman just want to have sex?

3\. That's not what we're talking about.

4\. Being a girlie-girl is the very worst thing that a guy can be.

5\. Put that thing away before you hurt someone.


	3. Wednesday

**Wednesday: I Learn About My Body**

* * *

"Girls, did you know that sex can hurt?"

Yes.

"Did you know that it can feel like your most sensitive area is being ripped open and torn apart? Did you know that you are most likely to get pregnant the _first time_ you have sex?

"Relying on condoms is like playing Russian Roulette. They simply don't work most of the time."

The piece of chalk is in her hand. "Each time you have sex, you're putting yourself at risk for more than two dozen different bacteria... viruses... parasites... fungi."

The words sprawl across the board.

"Who can tell me about birth control? Has anyone ever heard of the Pill?"

Yes, we've heard of the Pill. We read _Seventeen_ and _Cosmo_. She writes "Pill" on the board.

"Do you know what the Pill is made of?"

Sugar and spice and everything nice.

"Hormones!" she shouts. "Synthetic, make-believe hormones. Do you know what happens to your body when you ingest fake hormones?"

No.

"Your ability to love becomes..." She writes it on the board: "Damaged."

Damaged: Injured or harmed; the condition of being not intact.

"Perhaps you think, 'I don't have to worry about all that. If I get pregnant, I'll just have an abortion.' Well, did you know that if you have an abortion once, you will never be able to conceive again?"

"My mom had one before I was born," someone behind me whispers.

"Did you know that the more abortions you have, the more likely you are to develop breast cancer?"

But how can someone have more abortions if -

"Now, let's talk about the fellas."

If you can't conceive again after you've had one?

"Guys are slaves to their sex drives. Girls, it's your responsibility to keep those boys away. That means not wearing attention-seeking clothes. Not displaying certain behaviors. Not leading a guy on. Because if you do, well, a guy just can't help it."

That's what he said.

* * *

Me: Why am I an only child?

Mom: Well, when we had you, we felt like you were all we needed.

Me: So you started using birth control?

Mom [pondering whether I'm old enough to know]: Well, yes, I went on the Pill.

Me: Did it damage your ability to love?

Mom [laughing]: No, I wouldn't say that.

Me: Can having an abortion cause breast cancer?

Mom: No, I've never heard that.


	4. Thursday

**Thursday - I Learn About My Future**

* * *

Principal Principal sits in his corner as we wait for the bell to ring. I wonder if he did it before he was married. I wonder if he would have said to a girl, "Sex? No thanks. I'm a Virginity Warrior."

Ms. Four-Inch-Heels totters in and class begins.

"Did you know that sex before marriage is against the law?"

I hear some gasps, so I guess some people didn't know that certain Victorian laws that everyone in modern society doesn't think twice about breaking have never officially been taken off the books.

"Did you know that if an unmarried couple is caught having sex, they can face fines and even jail time?"

And it's illegal to tie an alligator to a fire hydrant in Arizona.

"If you have sex before you're eighteen, " now the chalk is in her hand, "you're more likely to be poor, divorced, depressed, suicidal, have bad grades and low self-esteem. This is particularly true for girls."

Josh Rutherford's hand shoots up. "Did you have sex before you got married?"

The question we've all been dying to ask.

Ms. Hypocrite: "What's your name?"

"Josh."

"Josh, because that is a very personal question, and I feel that it is a very personal question, I don't feel that I have to answer, because it is a very personal question."

She swings back around to the board and writes, in huge letters, "HPV."

"Girls," she says. "Think about your wedding night. Can you imagine having to say to your husband, 'Honey, I've been with someone else. And he gave me a disease.'"

And you waited till your wedding night to tell him this?

"Sex has a price tag. Instead of handing it out with coupons to someone who won't even remember your name, wait for the bling."

* * *

Heather: So what do you think of that class?

Me: I...

Heather: Do you think we'll be, like, graded on it?

Me: How...

Heather: She didn't say anything about a test or anything, did she?

Me: I guess not.


	5. Friday

**Friday**

* * *

I sit in my chair behind Heather and look at the clock. It's the last day that I'll have to endure this misery. Next week it's back to happy trees and teachers who don't talk about sex.

As the bell rings, Ms. She's-never-told-us-her-name walks in, followed by (gasp! This is so exciting!) a group of seniors.

Before I see IT, I sense ITS presence. IT walks into the room, and all the girls sigh. Rachel says something to Ivy.

"Let's break into groups of five," says Ms. Accessory-to-rape. "Let's pull our chairs around."

I am so excruciatingly lucky that I'm sitting behind Heather and her three friends. So lucky that there are exactly four of them, and one of me, which makes a group of five. They _need_ to tolerate my presence.

We pull our chairs around. Oh wait, leave a space. Each group gets their own Senior Leader.

Senior: Older; superior.

Leader: Someone who controls or conducts.

Control: To exercise influence over.

Ms. I'm-not-that-innocent hands each of them a sheet of paper, and then they make their ways to empty chairs. The others pick the group of five closest to them, but IT smirks and weaves through the room to sit right beside me. Heather and the Marthas act as if they're the chosen ones, and I don't even want to look in Rachel's direction.

IT holds the sheet of paper and reads in a clever ironic way, and oh the girls giggle.

"As a senior, you are a role model for younger teens. Share a time when you felt tempted to do something you knew you shouldn't do.

"Well," IT says, and crosses ITS legs, leaning into me. I inch to the edge of my chair. "Last summer, I went to this party. I guess I felt tempted to do something... and one part of me was saying I shouldn't do it, but then this other part... like this body part... was saying I should."

Heather and the Marthas laugh. Oh, Andy, aren't you funny.

IT holds the sheet of paper before ITS eyes again. "Remember that having sex once doesn't mean you can't reclaim your innocence. Tell the younger students about the concept of secondary virginity."

"Secondary?" Martha 1 asks. "What's that?"

Succeeding next in order to the first.

"Well, if you've done it once," IT says, "you can still call yourself a virgin. If you're really really sorry you did it.

"Of course," IT wraps ITS arm around the back of my chair, "if you're not the least bit sorry, then..."

Martha 2 grabs the sheet of paper away from IT. A bold and flirty move.

"Go around the circle and ask everyone if they are pure, or if they want to claim secondary virginity," she reads.

I know this isn't really happening. I'm watching a play, that's it. Heather and the Marthas are a drama club production. I'm an anonymous audience member. And that thing sitting beside me is the villain.

Martha 1: Well, you know, I did have a boyfriend last year. And we made out sometimes, but we never went all the way. So...

Martha 2: Oh, are we going around the circle?

[Heather, the Marthas, and the Villain laugh.]

Martha 2: Well, yeah, I'm a... I'm pure.

Heather: I'm...pure.

Martha 3: Me too.

Suddenly, all the actors are looking at me. Is this one of those plays where they go into the audience? I hate those.

Heather: Melinda, say something.

Martha 2: Yeah, _we_ all answered the question.

IT: Yeah, Melinda. Answer the question. Are you a virgin?

Me:


End file.
